Another "P", Another Pod - Brynlee's birth story and other updates

Well, Jackie, how's two plus years off from blog posting feel?   Sigh.

It's terribly sad, really.  And I know I will regret it one day, not having all of Brody's updates to look back on.  Heck, I already regret it!  But it is what it is.

Actually, knowing me, I more than likely won't keep posting to this blog anyway, but I wanted to at least get Brynlee's birth story down before too much time passes and I forget any more details.
I owe her this.
So...here goes...

Dear Miss Brynlee,
On the day you were born...It was HOT!  The kind of humid-hot only an Iowa summer can bring.  The kind that when you walk outside at 6:45 AM you're already sweating.  And that's just what we did, your dad and I.  Brody had spent the night at Grandma and Papa's house the night before so we could head straight to the hospital in the morning.  You see...we knew you were coming.  Mommy had to be induced because you were a whole week overdue, and you were apparently in no hurry to come out on your own (lil' stinker).  The day before your birthday mommy went to see Jenny, the midwife, and have some standard tests done.  Everything checked out fine, and you were still healthy inside my belly.  Jenny said I was 3 cm dilated and 75% effaced - which probably means nothing to you, but someday it will.  :)  The ultrasound, however, estimated that you were going to be 8 pounds 11 ounces at birth.  Give or take a whole pound!  That could have put you in the near 10 pound range!  And considering your big brother was born at 8 pounds 14 ounces, I was convinced you were going to be HUGE!  :)  So mommy and Jenny said...let's get this baby out!  We scheduled the induction for first thing the next morning.

I set the alarm for 6:00 AM on Thursday, July 18th 2013.  I got up, took a quick shower and got dressed.  Then I woke daddy up and he threw on some clothes, brushed his teeth, and made some coffee.  We grabbed our bags and camera and headed out the door.  Daddy took this picture of me in front of our hydrangea bush in the front yard (by the way, we had only lived in this house for a week!).

Then we jumped in the car, stopped by McDonald's for some breakfast (because mommy needed to eat!!), and drove to the hospital.  After getting checked in, the nurse started the IV at 8:00 AM with the medicine to make mommy start having contractions, although it was a little while before I really started feeling anything.  The midwife, Jenny, came in to visit around 9:00.  Daddy left around 9:30 to run home and check on some things at the house since I was feeling ok and we lived so close to the hospital.  I hung out for a while in the hospital room just checking Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, etc. on my phone before Grandma V came up to visit me around 10:30.  I was having contractions during all this time, but not really feeling them very much.  I think it was around 11:30 that daddy came back up to visit.  And a little while later Grandma went home to watch cousins Owen and Nora for Aunt Mary.  

All day the nurse was having a really hard time keeping the monitors on your heartbeat.  You must have kept moving around because the monitors would be working and tracking everything fine one minute, but then the next minute it wouldn't read your heartbeat at all.  At first I was scared that it was because your heart wasn't beating correctly...but then I learned it was just the way you were laying in my belly that made it hard for the monitors to pick up your heartbeat clearly.  Jenny and the nurse actually thought you might be what they call "sunny side up", which means your face was up (facing my belly button) instead of down (facing my back).  Jenny said that labor and delivery can be harder (and more painful) when a baby is sitting in this position, but that it wasn't anything to be worried or concerned about.  They suggested that I try to get in the all-fours position to help encourage you to turn around.  So I did this for a while, as well as sat on a birthing ball too.  And it must have done the trick because Jenny said when you were born that you weren't "sunny side up" anymore.  :)

A little while later, Jenny came in to check on me again and we talked about having her break my water depending on how dilated I was.  She checked and said I was about 5-6 cm dilated!  We were all pretty surprised and I was pleased to hear that because since I wasn't in much pain with the contractions, I thought they weren't really doing anything to make me progress.   But they were!!  So, around 1:30 PM, Jenny broke my water.

After that, things started to progress and I was really starting to feel the contractions.  Around 3:00 they were getting pretty strong, so I decided to relax in the tub.  I did this when I labored with Brody too, and it seemed to help progress labor and also helped take the edge off the contractions a bit.  So I got in the tub around 3:15 and stayed in there about a half-hour or so.  By the end of the 30 minutes I was REALLY feeling the contractions and told daddy and the nurse that I was ready for an epidural!  :)  So they helped me get out of the tub and called for the anesthesiologist.  In the short 10 minutes or so that I waited for the anesthesiologist to get there, the pain got A LOT worse.  In hindsight I should have asked Jenny to check and see how dilated I was because I'm thinking this is around the time I entered the final stages of labor before pushing...I'm sure I was probably 8, 9, or maybe even 10 cm by this point, based on my pain level.  But at the time, all I was focused on was getting the epidural so I wouldn't feel any more pain.  The anesthesiologist was a very very nice lady with long dark curly hair and a petite little body.  She was so sweet and she even waited between contractions (which were about a 60-90 seconds apart at this time) to insert the needle in my back.  Mommy was pretty grouchy by this point though...those contractions HURT!  And I was desperate to get the whole epidural process over with so I could start to feel some relief.  After the medicine was in me, the anesthesiologist hung around until she knew I was doing OK.  Both she and Jenny told me it would only be another couple of contractions until I wouldn't (shouldn't) feel pain anymore.  And I remember that was true for Brody's labor, as well.  So, I not-so-patiently waited for the relief.  I remember not being very nice to the anesthesiologist.  I kept saying (in between contractions), "WHY DOES IT STILL HURT!?"  and "SHOULDN'T THIS BE WORKING BY NOW?!".  It seemed like every passing contraction was just as painful as the one before.  Three painful contractions passed...Four...Five...OUCH OUCH OUCH...Six...Seven...  What was going on!!??  Jenny and the anesthesiologist kept eyeing each other with knowing looks.  I knew they were saying "she waited too long", but no one was actually saying anything to me other than, "should be anytime now".  I knew something wasn't right, but I could only focus on the pain.  Finally Jenny asked if I felt like I needed to push.  I said No immediately, harshly.   But then I took a second and realized...Yes!  Yes I did feel like I needed to push!  So I told her, "yes I think I do".  Then it was like whoa!  Yes, I need to push.  Like NOW.  Right now.  Now now now.  Jenny said, let's go!  So, physically my body was ready.  Mentally, I was not.  "NO"!  I said.  "I am NOT pushing yet, I. STILL. FEEL. EVERY. THING!".  I was thinking, there is NO way I am going to push a 10 pound baby for THREE hours with ZERO pain relief!  (I pushed for three straight hours...to the minute...with Brody, so naturally, I figured I'd be doing the same thing with you).  But Jenny gently leaned over to me and calmly said, "Honey, it's time to get this baby out.  I'm sorry.  But you will be fine!  It's time to go.".  I was so afraid.  It was all happening so fast.  I was ready, but not ready.  I was in so much pain, but couldn't wait to meet you.  Sad, happy.  Terrified, exhilarated!  So much was happening.  In my head and in the room.  Ok, I can do this, I thought.  I can do this.
I. Can. Do. This.
Daddy grabbed my hand while everyone was bustling about the room.
It was 4:42 PM
It was go time!

I should mention that while this was all happening, daddy got this text from Grandma V. and replied by telling her to come back to the hospital now:  

 

A few minutes into pushing, the door to our room abruptly opened.  I immediately snapped "Who is that!?".  It was the pediatric nurse...for you.  Silly mommy.  I was worried that someone was coming in to visit me, not knowing I was...ahem...as "exposed" as I was at the time.  Jenny laughed at mommy for overreacting, and Daddy said "Jeez!".  It was all just kind of funny.  But I still feel a little bad that I was being so rude.  :)  But the pain!  Oh, the pain.

Anyway, the next few minutes went by in the blink of an eye.  I remember some more pain, but not the same kind of pain I was just having just moments before.  After a couple of pushes, Jenny told me she could see your head.  She asked if I wanted to feel you.  If she had asked me at any other point leading up to this, I would have said no in a heartbeat.  Because...well...it's just kinda gross.  But I didn't really think twice about it.  I looked at daddy, he gave me a shrug like "go ahead".  So I reached down and touched your head with my fingertips.  I'm not gonna lie, babe.  It was gross.  I think I even said, "Ew, it's so groddy!".  But I'm still happy I did it.  You will understand someday when you have babies of your own.  "Miracle" is so SO true about what is happening in those moments.

...a few minutes later, a few pushes later, at 4:55 PM, Jenny said "Open your eyes, mommy.  See what you had!".

I did.
It was a girl.
You were here.
You were pink.
And slimy.
And beautiful.
And perfect.
I had a daughter.
A daughter!
I had a boy and a girl.
It was overwhelming.  And exciting.  And simply amazing.

Jenny laid you on a towel on my chest.  You were so warm.  I will never forget that warmth.  You were crying at first.  But almost immediately after you were laid on me, you were soothed.
I remember that.
A calm rushed over you.  And a calm rushed over me.
Daddy smiled and said you were beautiful.
You were, my dear.  You ARE, my dear.

After a few more moments of the nurses cleaning you, wiping you up, suctioning you out, and doing all sorts of things I hardly remember because I could only stare at your tiny perfect little face, Jenny asked if mommy wanted to cut your cord.  (I did this for Brody too).  Of course I did!

Then it was time for you to be weighed and measured.  7 pounds and 7 ounces.  19 1/2 inches long.

Then it was time for your first bath...which you did NOT enjoy.  :)

Then Daddy left the room to go see if Grandma had made it to the hospital yet.  She was just coming up the elevator.  Here is a little video of the next few moments:

(I pushed for 13 minutes, actually, not 8...but who's counting?)  ;)

Daddy came back into the room a little while later with Grandma V.

You still didn't have a name yet, so we talked very quickly about some options we had previously come up with.  Some of our first thoughts were:  Brooklyn Leigh, Rae Kathleen, and Mila Kathleen.  We wanted to name you before you met your big brother.  And Daddy was leaving soon to go pick him up from Papa and Grandma's house.  But, none of those names seemed right somehow.  I loved them all, but they just didn't seem right.  So daddy left, still not knowing your name.

Mommy got to cuddle you for a while by myself while Daddy was gone.  During that time, it hit me.  Brynlee!  Brynlee Rae.  Brynn was always a name I liked, but we didn't LOVE it.  So it didn't make the first cut.  But Lee...well, to carry on the tradition, of course.  And Rae, because we loved that name and even considered it for a first name for you.  And bonus that it is your Auntie Rachel's nickname.  So mommy pieced together the name Brynlee Rae.  And I loved it.  Not as much thought went into it as I just made it sound, I swear.  It truly just came to me while kissing your head and staring at your face.  Brynlee Rae.  I thought it was beautiful and perfect.  So I called up daddy and said..."What about Brynlee Rae"?  Daddy said..."I like it"!  I said, "Is that it?  Is that her name"?  It was!  And that is how you were named, my dear.  We didn't know how we were going to spell it yet, but we knew that would be your name.

Well, I suppose that is the end of your birth story.  I hope to post the next chapter soon.  Where you get to meet Brody and come home to your new house!

But, in case I don't get to chapter 2, know this, Miss Brynlee Rae.  You. Are. LOVED.  So, so, so loved.  And I hope you never go a day not feeling that love.  I may not be very good about posting updates, like I did with Brody's first year.  And I may not take as many pictures.  Or record your monthly stats and milestones.  But it doesn't mean I don't FEEL you in my heart just as much.  You make me smile every day.  You are such a special gift to me.  A daughter I never realized I wanted so much until you were here.  You have changed my life.  You are special, my dear.  I don't think I could love you any more.  But I will try, until my dying day, to never let you feel anything less.

TRP - Totally Random Post

I've been MIA on this blog for a while.  I've been busy busy BUSY!  Don't get me wrong...I'm not complainin'.  I have been LOVING all the busyness lately.  But since so much has happened in the last 5 weeks since I've posted here, and I know it would take me forever to go into detail about everything (who has time for that?!), I thought I would create this TRP of pictures and thoughts and just kinda dump my brain out to you all.  Exciting, isn't it?  And, of course, as usual, it will mainly be about the little Petersen.  Also, you might recall my last post was about all my pictures on my cell phone.  Well I finally took the 3 minutes to upload them all to my computer, so all of these pictures are from my phone. No judging my photography skills on these!

Anyway....here we go...

Brody loves to eat...have I mentioned this before?  Maybe once or twice.  He hears a package of food opening and he instantly throws eye darts at you and whines until you bring him something.  Kinda like a dog, I guess.  Just call me Pavlov.  But instead of a bell, it's anything that can remotely look or sound like food.

Brody is getting really good at walking lately.  I'll talk more about that in another post, perhaps.  He can make it almost across the whole living room on his own now.  But before that he practiced with his walker a lot...

And this picture is one of my favorites of all time...and one I will cherish for many years to come...

Saturday, September 17th 2011 at 8:03AM ~ Brody is 11.5 months old

No, I didn't accidentally stick the wrong picture in there.  That, my friends, is the first step Brody ever made on his own.  And it's the most godawful picture you've ever seen.  But I love it.  It shows him hands free from the coffee table and in motion...granted he was crashing to the ground at this moment, but only after that first step.  Awww, the pride!

Brody does a lot of things with his index finger.  He has for a while.  He used to try to pick Cheerios up with just his pointer.  He would try to get them to stick to it.  It was the weirdest and cutest thing.  But even still he does so much with that one finger.  Spins the wheels on his toys with it.  Turns the pages of his books with it.  Plays with his food with it.  Touches my lips and mouth with it.  Lots of things.  I don't know if every baby does this or not, but I think it's special.  Others have commented on it before so I'm tempted to think this is just one of those unique things about my son.  I love it.

Brody has gotten the big D a few times lately.  Causes some nasty diaper rash.  So I let him do this for a little bit one night...you know...to air out:

Yah, I spent then next half hour cleaning up diarrhea out of the carpet. 

Brody wouldn't nap one day when he wasn't feeling well.  So he napped with Daddy.  I LOVE these two guys.

Almost every morning Brody watches Elmo.

Is there is an ice-cream cone shaped plastic spoon on my face?  Why yes, yes there is!

We had to rip up our old kitchen floor because of a flooding issue.  Our old "floating floor" was literally floating.  But we put this gorgeous 16x16 porcelain tile in instead and I lurrrrrve it.

And this pic is the closest finished kitchen pic I have...

We still need kick boards under the cabinets.

Prepare yourself for this next pic.  It might make you sick with envy.  Envy over me having the cutest baby in the world...

Sorry if your computer just crashed due to Cuteness Overload.  I warned you though.


Mommy trying to get one decent picture to text to Daddy...

Brody looking under the entertainment center for his block...

We finger painted with cousin Owen on Brody's actual birthday.  One-year-olds don't really understand the concept of finger painting...they just want to eat it.  Although, Brody did have fun putting his index finger in all the paint!

More Cuteness:

Super blurry picture but I think it shows how much fun we have together.  :)

We sometimes take a couch cushion off the couch for Brody to play with. He likes to climb up on it and roll off.  It's probably strange to others, but I'd have to admit that it is probably his most favorite game to play at night.  One night he discovered how to climb up on the couch when the cushion isn't there.  Oh boy did he have fun up there bouncin' around!

And this picture was taken today.  I really ought to pay more attention while driving...

533

Ever have those kind of days where you just feel like crying? 

I, thankfully, don't have them very often.  Usually I am able to brush things off enough, and not "sweat the small stuff" so to speak.  But occasionally, blame it on hormones if you want, I have one of those days where I just want to go home, crawl into bed, snuggle with my boys, and maybe shed a tear or two.  Today was one of those days. 

I have a very challenging co-worker - and my patience is often being tested by her.  Today she won.  I let her get to me enough that I felt defeated. 

And I hate that. 

So, on my lunch break today, to try to keep from tearing up, I asked myself…what would make me feel better right now?  What would make me forget about my stresses?  What can I count on for relief? 

So I called Jeff.  I am a very lucky girl, and whenever I need him, he is there for me.  Always.  Every. Single.Time.  But, today he was busy at work so he couldn't answer his phone.  Darn! 

Time for Plan "B".  Well, I can't exactly call my son at daycare and tell him about my crummy day.  But…seeing his face is all I need for a little pick-me-up.  So, I scrolled through the pictures on my phone. 

533. 

That's how many pictures I have…on my phone!  And 77 video clips.  Now, I can't say that all of them are of B, but I'd probably be safe to say 97% of them are (maybe more?). 

I purchased my phone only a few weeks before Brody was born…so it's really fun to start at the beginning and watch him grow up through the screen of my Samsung. 

Thank God for technology.  Most days you'll hear me complaining about my phone…but today I'm thankful for it.  Because it connects me to my loved ones (all of you!) and helps lift my spirits when I need it.  :)

What or who is your go-to for a quick pick-me-up?  And how many photos are on your phone camera? Am I the only loony with 533?

It's Personal...

Actually, it's not...hopefully I'm not offending anyone by making this blog for personal viewing only.  I have actually been wanting to do this for a while now, but kept hemming and hawing about it.  At one time I had different plans for this blog - to maybe even try to make it more public, but that just never happened.  And my thoughts at that time would have taken it in another direction, instead of primarily blogging about life with Brody.  But it didn't get there.  Nor do I really have any desire to do that anymore.
But!...
The good news is, that I have been getting some good exposure as a "photographer" lately!!  That's kind of what prompted me to make this blog private.  That sounds backwards, huh?  It's just that, I don't necessarily want potential clients (those that are outside the realm of my lovely family and friends), to always hear about the latest happenings in my personal life.  Prospective clients don't really need to hear about my drama-queen moments when I think the world is going to end because my son cried when I picked him up from daycare one time.  Nor do they probably WANT to read about that.  (Do you guys even?).  But I love blogging here.  It's my diary.  But a diary I only want people who KNOW me, to have access to.  Make sense?  So, if you are reading this, it's because I either invited you, or you invited yourself because I didn't have your email address!  Haha.  But, I'm glad you're here and checking in on us!

11 Months

Brody is 11 Months!  

Almost a whole year old.  

I cannot believe how fast the year has flown by...slow down little man!

Not a whole lot has changed since my last post, so I'll keep this one short.  And I've sadly hardly taken any pictures of him since my last post either (hence the photos all being ones from this shoot).  I've been so busy with other peoples photos, I've neglected to take some of my favorite subject!  We'll look at it as a little break, B.  Your birthday will be here soon, and you know I won't let this milestone go un-captured!  :)

Here's what's new:

• Brody still crawls all.over.the.place.  He's so speedy fast, I am constantly amazed.  Not walking yet, but I will finally say that I think he's getting close.  He cruises around the furniture with ease and will reach for the next thing he can hold on to while he takes a big step to get there.  He has been practicing standing up on his own quite a bit too, and will stand for up to about 20 seconds or so before falling to his bottom.  He always seems really surprised at himself whenever he realizes he's standing on his own too...it's very cute.  Also, if he's standing up and you extend your arms out to him, he will reach for them and attempt to take a step towards you.  Sometimes he forgets the step part though, and just leans over till you catch him.  Maybe he's just playing the game "Trust" like his daddy likes to play too...hahaha.  Anyway, the point of this incredibly long bullet point is that he is making progress and starting to show signs that he may be walking soon.  I always envisioned him toddling around at his first birthday party, but I'm realizing since it's less than 4 weeks away now, I doubt that will be happening.  No biggie...soon enough he'll be running around, I'm sure!  :)

• Brody's eating schedule is still the same, but as of a few nights ago I decided that I am D.O.N.E. with baby food.  I mentioned in his 10 month post how much I detest some of the baby foods we've given him, and I just couldn't do it anymore.  The fruit ones aren't bad, and I may still keep some of those on hand for a pinch, but the dinners are too gross, and he does better with table food anyway anymore. I guess I never noted it, but around 9 months or so, I started buying organic baby foods for him, and those level 3 dinners tend to be smellier and grosser looking than the old jarred baby foods we used, so maybe that was my issue...I don't know.  Anyway, we're done with those.  I'm sort of struggling with what all to feed him now though...so anyone that wants to offer good suggestions for a menu for an almost one year old, I'm all ears.  So far we've done: spaghetti, macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese, teensy bites of chicken and lunch meat, and of course cooked veggies, fruit, toast, and the normal stuff.  I've heard I should try fish sticks (thoughts from you moms?), chicken nuggets, waffles, and jelly sandwiches. 

• B still gets formula 3 times a day, but we've switched out his second bottle to a sippy cup instead.  He does just fine with it actually, so I'm going to start changing out his first morning bottle to a sippy cup too.  I have a feeling his night time bottle will be the hardest one for us to eliminate, but I'm not gonna worry about that one yet.  I'm looking forward to being done with formula and moving on to cows milk though.  And looking back, I wish I would have tried to pump/nurse longer for him (although I'm proud we made it 6 months), but overall formula seemed to work out for us too.  Cows milk will be much easier though, and I'm looking forward to not having to buy formula and mix bottles all the time!

• Brody is starting to repeat a lot more sounds he hears now.  He will still sometimes cough after hearing someone cough, he mimics the ahhh sound that people makes after taking a refreshing drink, repeats Uh after I say Uh Oh, and still occasionally says Hi after we say it...not always, but sometimes.  Too cute.  
• He also claps now!  And still waves hello, goodbye, and night night (and about 100 other random times a day).  He loves to dance and shake his head back and forth in his high chair, just acting silly.

Elmo (and Grandma) helps get smiles...wish I'd thought to use him for past monthly picture sessions!

• Brody is still working on that darn tooth number 8.  So far all of his teeth have come in as pairs, but he got the 7th one while we were on vacation, what about 6 weeks ago?  And the 8th tooth still hasn't made an appearance.  I think it's giving him a heckofa time too, poor guy.
• Brody's been sick, yet again, too.  Had some serious diarrhea and diaper rash issues last week.  I kinda feel like every few weeks it's something...ear infection, colds, fever, strep, diarrhea, etc.  He's such a champ though, and really handles it all very well.  My strong little man.  

Well, the big birthday bash will be here before we know it.  I can't wait to celebrate with friends and family.  And to watch B eat cake and ice cream!  What fun! 

Ok, I think that's all the updates this month.  Did I say this post was gonna be short?  Surely I didn't.  Oh, I did.  Ooops!  :) 

It happened.

I knew this day would come.  I had been warned about it.  I was fully aware it would happen.  But it still feels like someone reached down my throat, pulled my heart out, squished it in their fist, threw it on the ground, and stomped all over it.  (sorry...I'm a bit of a drama queen tonight). 

Remember how saddened I was when this happened?  (I'll spare you the link back, if you don't feel like clicking...it's when Brody wouldn't smile at me when I picked him up from daycare).  I look at that post and think...  Psssst!  What I wouldn't give for that day!

Because this is worse. 

WAY worse. 

Alright, alright, already.  What happened, you ask? 

Brody cried when I picked him up today.  Scratch that.  Screamed!  Whaled.  Threw a down-right FIT!  Face red.  Hyperventilate cry.  TEARS!  All because he didn't want to see me.  Didn't want to go home with me.  Didn't want to leave Pam's. 

Didn't want to be in his mommas arms. 

And like I said before.  I had been warned that this would happen.  By friends.  Family.  Pam.  Heck...Brody has even given me a warning of sorts.  He's been....fussy the last few times I have picked him up.  Not wanting to leave.  But never to this extent.  He has been very attached to Pam lately.  Even her kids, Kyle and Karter, have been given the cold shoulder from Brody lately.  And even her husband Scott...whom is one of Brody's best buddies...has been pouted at.  He is just very clingy to Pam... 

And so my head and my heart begin the tug-of-war battle again.  My head tells me this is perfectly natural.  He spends all day with Pam.  And he is OBVIOUSLY loved very much by her, which is why he doesn't want to leave her.  What more could I ask for in the woman we partner with to care for our sweet sweet boy? 

But then my heart....  You know the one?  The one that is currently dying a slow death after being beaten and bludgeoned on the floor?  Yah, that one.  It hurts.  It hurts bad.  For one, that is NOT my child.  My child doesn't cry like that (except when he's sick, apparently).  My child doesn't shun anyone away!  Why on earth would he do that to me?  Who took my Brody and replaced him with this stranger?  And I'm embarrassed.  Two other moms got to whiteness Brody's melt-down today.  And I can only image the thoughts running through their head.  Jeez!  Wonder what is so horrible at Brody's home, that he is throwing such a fit to go there.  (remember, I warned you that I was a drama queen tonight).  Or maybe they were thinking.  Jeez!  What a bratty little baby! 

I let Pam change his diaper (and joked that she had to do it since he didn't want me), but really, I just didn't want to be sitting there changing his diaper while he was screaming for Pam the whole time.  So, I let her do it ("let"..haha!), let her hold him for a bit while we chatted.  Then I grabbed him and bolted for the door.  And Pam called out as I was leaving that he'd be fine as soon as I got him in the car.  Well, he wasn't.  He actually cried the whole way home.  And even a little for a while once we were home.  I tried to console him.  Give him snuggles and kisses galore.  But he didn't want that.  He wanted Pam.

It got better after a while and he was fine later on, but I can't shake the guilt and pain I am feeling.  And how horrible am I that I am totally JEALOUS of Pam.  Brody doesn't act that way towards me.  He doesn't cry when I leave the room.  He doesn't pout when I'm not in sight.  He doesn't reach for me when he's in someone else's arms.  And I shake it off.  It's just a "phase", I tell myself.  But I can't help ask myself...why?  Why doesn't Brody want to be clingy to me?  I'm his momma.  I love him more than anyone else.  He is my world.  He's the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I dream of at night.  I close my eyes and long for him during my days away from him.  And I gaze at his pictures every chance I get.  He is everything to me and I would do anything for him.  Why doesn't he love me as much as I love him?

I know.  I am crazy.  Even as I sit here wiping tears off my cheek I think, SHUT UP!  You are such a brat.  He's 11 months old.  He knows you love him and he loves you.  He does.  Get over it.

So I will.  But tonight I'm sad.  Right now I'm blue.  So, my bloggy friends.  You get to hear my whine for a bit.  Thanks for listening.  Tomorrow I know I'll feel much better.  I always do.  So, in case I don't post an update about this...just know that I'm certain things will be brighter tomorrow.  I'll scrape what's left of my heart off the floor and somehow fit it back into my chest where it belongs.  And I'll be fine...

Until it happens again tomorrow....

Here's a cute pic of Brody to make us all feel better:

10 Months

Check out my mad photoshop skills!  I taught myself how to hide the circle and text
behind his hands and feet by layering images and working with layer masks in Photoshop.
What do you think...is it believable?  I'll admit it's not perfect, but for my first time
doing that, I was pretty happy with it.  :)

Eeks!  I'm verrrrrrrrrry late in posting this monthly update.  Shame on me!  But, summer time is busy...add in a week long vacation, a couple of photo shoots and sprinkle in a thousand-or-so pictures to edit, and that's what you call my excuse, people!  Forgive me?

So....since I never posted Brody's stats from his 9 month doctor visit, I thought I'd add them to this post. 

Height: 28.5" - 50%
Weight: 22.4 lbs. - 71%
Head - 46 cm - 65%

That said, I know that Brody actually weighs just over 24 lbs. now, though.  I know that because while we were on vacation the other week, Brody got another ear infection.  So, I found an in-network doctors office in the area (in Spencer, IA) and took him in to get checked out.  Of course, while there, they weighed him.  What a big boy!

Ok, what are we up to this month?  Hmmm...

• Brody is wearing all 12 month size clothing now.  And we've moved on to size 4 diapers. 
• No more army crawling, this boy can MOVE!  He crawls everywhere.  And he's fast, let me tell you.  People keep asking if he can walk yet, or if he's getting close.  He's not.  He will cruise really well around furniture, and can even stand unassisted for a couple of seconds, but he's very cautious and actually doesn't even seem to want to try to walk.  Even when we hold his hands, he either turns around and wants to be picked up, or he sits down and crawls to what he wants.  And you know what...I'm actually OK with this.  I think most new parents are so anxious for their babes to take those first few steps, and I'm not saying I won't be SO PROUD when he does finally walk for the first time, but he's already such a busy boy crawling all around...  I guess I'm just saying that I'm in no rush to chase after a little toddler...yet!

• Brody can pull himself up with ease now and is (and has been for a while) frequently found in his crib standing up looking over the railing at us.  It is quite possibly the cutest thing to see in the mornings and after naps.  We are ALWAYS greeted with the biggest smile you could ever imagine.  It's the best.
• B still eats like a champ.  Pretty sure there is nothing this boy won't eat.  A couple of times I've had to throw out his baby food dinners though because it made ME want to vomit.  Seriously...some of those things look and smell like the nastiest cat food in the world.  SICK.  I cannot subject my child  to such disgustingness.  I can't and I wont. 

• Brody is still on the same eating schedule as last month...3 bottles a day, 2 meals, and 1 snack.
• He's also still on the same nap schedule.  One around 9:00 AM and the other around 1:30 PM.  The length of his naps seems to vary.  Usually his afternoon nap is the longer of the two though, but he totals about 4 hours of nap sleep a day.
• He's still going to bed around 7:30 and sleeps 11 hours till 6:30 AM on weekdays, and will sleep in a bit on weekends till 7:15 or so.  Thanks, B!

• Still no words yet.  We get Dada, Mama, and Baba sounds a lot, but I don't think he knows what they mean yet, so I don't count them as actual words.  He sometimes says Hi after we say Hi to him, but I'm not sure if he is repeating us or if it's just a coincidence. 
• Brody knows how to wave bye bye and hello now!!  This is so cute to see.  He started doing it early on vacation and we got such a kick out of having him do it all week.  Sometimes he does it more easily than others, but he definitely knows what it means when we say bye bye to him and he waves back at us.  Awwww.

• Brody now has 7 teeth and I think he's working on the 8th.  Four up top, and now 3 on bottom. 
• Brody is getting quite the little personality.  He is still such a good boy.  Always giving smiles to everyone and always very friendly.  He will pretty much go to anyone who holds their arms out for him and generally isn't scare of anyone yet.  The only person we've notice him being slightly scare of is our friend A-Rob.  Twice when he's seen him he clung to me and one time even cried a little.  Otherwise he shows no stranger fear.  Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing....hmmm...
• He has learned to cry and pout when he doesn't get what he wants...which is really only when he doesn't get food when he thinks he should be getting some.  I swear...the kid is a tank and wants to eat all the time.  If we aren't quick when it's bottle or snack time, he cries and pouts and kicks his legs.  We do our best to ignore the behavior, and 9 times out of 10 he will settle down within a couple minutes.  He's learning how to express himself and communicate his needs...I wish he would choose another way to do it, but since he can't talk, I guess it makes sense that he cries to tell us what he wants.  I attempt teaching him sign language, but I don't think it's taught at daycare, and I am not consistent with it at home, so, I'm pretty sure he's not picking it up.  I will try to make myself be better at it.  They (random things I read on the Internet) say that right now is the best time to teach sign language.

• He loves to play, crawl all over the house, play peak-a-boo, pat-a-cake, itsy-bitsy-spider, read books, and roll a ball around.  He's such a trooper and we can easily take him along with us just about anywhere. 

I'll try to do a separate post about our vacation soon, but don't hold me to this.  I've got lots of photo shoots and editing I'm working on in my spare time, and I also need to work on planning Brody's first birthday party in the coming weeks (OMG...how can he already almost be ONE?!?!).  Life is flying by way too fast....does anyone know how to slow down time?  I'm savoring every minute of it, but sometimes it feels like I blink and a whole month has gone by!