533

Ever have those kind of days where you just feel like crying? 

I, thankfully, don't have them very often.  Usually I am able to brush things off enough, and not "sweat the small stuff" so to speak.  But occasionally, blame it on hormones if you want, I have one of those days where I just want to go home, crawl into bed, snuggle with my boys, and maybe shed a tear or two.  Today was one of those days. 

I have a very challenging co-worker - and my patience is often being tested by her.  Today she won.  I let her get to me enough that I felt defeated. 

And I hate that. 

So, on my lunch break today, to try to keep from tearing up, I asked myself…what would make me feel better right now?  What would make me forget about my stresses?  What can I count on for relief? 

So I called Jeff.  I am a very lucky girl, and whenever I need him, he is there for me.  Always.  Every. Single.Time.  But, today he was busy at work so he couldn't answer his phone.  Darn! 

Time for Plan "B".  Well, I can't exactly call my son at daycare and tell him about my crummy day.  But…seeing his face is all I need for a little pick-me-up.  So, I scrolled through the pictures on my phone. 

533. 

That's how many pictures I have…on my phone!  And 77 video clips.  Now, I can't say that all of them are of B, but I'd probably be safe to say 97% of them are (maybe more?). 

I purchased my phone only a few weeks before Brody was born…so it's really fun to start at the beginning and watch him grow up through the screen of my Samsung. 

Thank God for technology.  Most days you'll hear me complaining about my phone…but today I'm thankful for it.  Because it connects me to my loved ones (all of you!) and helps lift my spirits when I need it.  :)

What or who is your go-to for a quick pick-me-up?  And how many photos are on your phone camera? Am I the only loony with 533?

It's Personal...

Actually, it's not...hopefully I'm not offending anyone by making this blog for personal viewing only.  I have actually been wanting to do this for a while now, but kept hemming and hawing about it.  At one time I had different plans for this blog - to maybe even try to make it more public, but that just never happened.  And my thoughts at that time would have taken it in another direction, instead of primarily blogging about life with Brody.  But it didn't get there.  Nor do I really have any desire to do that anymore.
But!...
The good news is, that I have been getting some good exposure as a "photographer" lately!!  That's kind of what prompted me to make this blog private.  That sounds backwards, huh?  It's just that, I don't necessarily want potential clients (those that are outside the realm of my lovely family and friends), to always hear about the latest happenings in my personal life.  Prospective clients don't really need to hear about my drama-queen moments when I think the world is going to end because my son cried when I picked him up from daycare one time.  Nor do they probably WANT to read about that.  (Do you guys even?).  But I love blogging here.  It's my diary.  But a diary I only want people who KNOW me, to have access to.  Make sense?  So, if you are reading this, it's because I either invited you, or you invited yourself because I didn't have your email address!  Haha.  But, I'm glad you're here and checking in on us!

11 Months

Brody is 11 Months!  

Almost a whole year old.  

I cannot believe how fast the year has flown by...slow down little man!

Not a whole lot has changed since my last post, so I'll keep this one short.  And I've sadly hardly taken any pictures of him since my last post either (hence the photos all being ones from this shoot).  I've been so busy with other peoples photos, I've neglected to take some of my favorite subject!  We'll look at it as a little break, B.  Your birthday will be here soon, and you know I won't let this milestone go un-captured!  :)

Here's what's new:

• Brody still crawls all.over.the.place.  He's so speedy fast, I am constantly amazed.  Not walking yet, but I will finally say that I think he's getting close.  He cruises around the furniture with ease and will reach for the next thing he can hold on to while he takes a big step to get there.  He has been practicing standing up on his own quite a bit too, and will stand for up to about 20 seconds or so before falling to his bottom.  He always seems really surprised at himself whenever he realizes he's standing on his own too...it's very cute.  Also, if he's standing up and you extend your arms out to him, he will reach for them and attempt to take a step towards you.  Sometimes he forgets the step part though, and just leans over till you catch him.  Maybe he's just playing the game "Trust" like his daddy likes to play too...hahaha.  Anyway, the point of this incredibly long bullet point is that he is making progress and starting to show signs that he may be walking soon.  I always envisioned him toddling around at his first birthday party, but I'm realizing since it's less than 4 weeks away now, I doubt that will be happening.  No biggie...soon enough he'll be running around, I'm sure!  :)

• Brody's eating schedule is still the same, but as of a few nights ago I decided that I am D.O.N.E. with baby food.  I mentioned in his 10 month post how much I detest some of the baby foods we've given him, and I just couldn't do it anymore.  The fruit ones aren't bad, and I may still keep some of those on hand for a pinch, but the dinners are too gross, and he does better with table food anyway anymore. I guess I never noted it, but around 9 months or so, I started buying organic baby foods for him, and those level 3 dinners tend to be smellier and grosser looking than the old jarred baby foods we used, so maybe that was my issue...I don't know.  Anyway, we're done with those.  I'm sort of struggling with what all to feed him now though...so anyone that wants to offer good suggestions for a menu for an almost one year old, I'm all ears.  So far we've done: spaghetti, macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese, teensy bites of chicken and lunch meat, and of course cooked veggies, fruit, toast, and the normal stuff.  I've heard I should try fish sticks (thoughts from you moms?), chicken nuggets, waffles, and jelly sandwiches. 

• B still gets formula 3 times a day, but we've switched out his second bottle to a sippy cup instead.  He does just fine with it actually, so I'm going to start changing out his first morning bottle to a sippy cup too.  I have a feeling his night time bottle will be the hardest one for us to eliminate, but I'm not gonna worry about that one yet.  I'm looking forward to being done with formula and moving on to cows milk though.  And looking back, I wish I would have tried to pump/nurse longer for him (although I'm proud we made it 6 months), but overall formula seemed to work out for us too.  Cows milk will be much easier though, and I'm looking forward to not having to buy formula and mix bottles all the time!

• Brody is starting to repeat a lot more sounds he hears now.  He will still sometimes cough after hearing someone cough, he mimics the ahhh sound that people makes after taking a refreshing drink, repeats Uh after I say Uh Oh, and still occasionally says Hi after we say it...not always, but sometimes.  Too cute.  
• He also claps now!  And still waves hello, goodbye, and night night (and about 100 other random times a day).  He loves to dance and shake his head back and forth in his high chair, just acting silly.

Elmo (and Grandma) helps get smiles...wish I'd thought to use him for past monthly picture sessions!

• Brody is still working on that darn tooth number 8.  So far all of his teeth have come in as pairs, but he got the 7th one while we were on vacation, what about 6 weeks ago?  And the 8th tooth still hasn't made an appearance.  I think it's giving him a heckofa time too, poor guy.
• Brody's been sick, yet again, too.  Had some serious diarrhea and diaper rash issues last week.  I kinda feel like every few weeks it's something...ear infection, colds, fever, strep, diarrhea, etc.  He's such a champ though, and really handles it all very well.  My strong little man.  

Well, the big birthday bash will be here before we know it.  I can't wait to celebrate with friends and family.  And to watch B eat cake and ice cream!  What fun! 

Ok, I think that's all the updates this month.  Did I say this post was gonna be short?  Surely I didn't.  Oh, I did.  Ooops!  :) 

It happened.

I knew this day would come.  I had been warned about it.  I was fully aware it would happen.  But it still feels like someone reached down my throat, pulled my heart out, squished it in their fist, threw it on the ground, and stomped all over it.  (sorry...I'm a bit of a drama queen tonight). 

Remember how saddened I was when this happened?  (I'll spare you the link back, if you don't feel like clicking...it's when Brody wouldn't smile at me when I picked him up from daycare).  I look at that post and think...  Psssst!  What I wouldn't give for that day!

Because this is worse. 

WAY worse. 

Alright, alright, already.  What happened, you ask? 

Brody cried when I picked him up today.  Scratch that.  Screamed!  Whaled.  Threw a down-right FIT!  Face red.  Hyperventilate cry.  TEARS!  All because he didn't want to see me.  Didn't want to go home with me.  Didn't want to leave Pam's. 

Didn't want to be in his mommas arms. 

And like I said before.  I had been warned that this would happen.  By friends.  Family.  Pam.  Heck...Brody has even given me a warning of sorts.  He's been....fussy the last few times I have picked him up.  Not wanting to leave.  But never to this extent.  He has been very attached to Pam lately.  Even her kids, Kyle and Karter, have been given the cold shoulder from Brody lately.  And even her husband Scott...whom is one of Brody's best buddies...has been pouted at.  He is just very clingy to Pam... 

And so my head and my heart begin the tug-of-war battle again.  My head tells me this is perfectly natural.  He spends all day with Pam.  And he is OBVIOUSLY loved very much by her, which is why he doesn't want to leave her.  What more could I ask for in the woman we partner with to care for our sweet sweet boy? 

But then my heart....  You know the one?  The one that is currently dying a slow death after being beaten and bludgeoned on the floor?  Yah, that one.  It hurts.  It hurts bad.  For one, that is NOT my child.  My child doesn't cry like that (except when he's sick, apparently).  My child doesn't shun anyone away!  Why on earth would he do that to me?  Who took my Brody and replaced him with this stranger?  And I'm embarrassed.  Two other moms got to whiteness Brody's melt-down today.  And I can only image the thoughts running through their head.  Jeez!  Wonder what is so horrible at Brody's home, that he is throwing such a fit to go there.  (remember, I warned you that I was a drama queen tonight).  Or maybe they were thinking.  Jeez!  What a bratty little baby! 

I let Pam change his diaper (and joked that she had to do it since he didn't want me), but really, I just didn't want to be sitting there changing his diaper while he was screaming for Pam the whole time.  So, I let her do it ("let"..haha!), let her hold him for a bit while we chatted.  Then I grabbed him and bolted for the door.  And Pam called out as I was leaving that he'd be fine as soon as I got him in the car.  Well, he wasn't.  He actually cried the whole way home.  And even a little for a while once we were home.  I tried to console him.  Give him snuggles and kisses galore.  But he didn't want that.  He wanted Pam.

It got better after a while and he was fine later on, but I can't shake the guilt and pain I am feeling.  And how horrible am I that I am totally JEALOUS of Pam.  Brody doesn't act that way towards me.  He doesn't cry when I leave the room.  He doesn't pout when I'm not in sight.  He doesn't reach for me when he's in someone else's arms.  And I shake it off.  It's just a "phase", I tell myself.  But I can't help ask myself...why?  Why doesn't Brody want to be clingy to me?  I'm his momma.  I love him more than anyone else.  He is my world.  He's the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I dream of at night.  I close my eyes and long for him during my days away from him.  And I gaze at his pictures every chance I get.  He is everything to me and I would do anything for him.  Why doesn't he love me as much as I love him?

I know.  I am crazy.  Even as I sit here wiping tears off my cheek I think, SHUT UP!  You are such a brat.  He's 11 months old.  He knows you love him and he loves you.  He does.  Get over it.

So I will.  But tonight I'm sad.  Right now I'm blue.  So, my bloggy friends.  You get to hear my whine for a bit.  Thanks for listening.  Tomorrow I know I'll feel much better.  I always do.  So, in case I don't post an update about this...just know that I'm certain things will be brighter tomorrow.  I'll scrape what's left of my heart off the floor and somehow fit it back into my chest where it belongs.  And I'll be fine...

Until it happens again tomorrow....

Here's a cute pic of Brody to make us all feel better: