As if I needed another reason to do my hair...

Note to Self:  Self...No more I'm-running-too-late-and-feel-too-lazy-to-do-my-hair-today days.  Because you can never know if THIS might happen....


Mike from the tv show "American Pickers" and me.
He was having lunch with his mom.
His mom actually took this pic on my phone!

 The possibility of running in to a celebrity while eating lunch with a co-worker at Panera Bread probably doesn't happen every day.  I know that.  But just in case it ever does happen again Jackie, remember you must always be camera ready!  (Somehow I doubt this advice will stick).  But, of course, bad hair day and all, me being me, I went right up to him and asked if he'd take a picture with me.  He was SO nice!  I wondered if he'd go all diva-like on me (is there a term for a male diva?) and blow me off, but he didn't.  He said sure and asked me if I'd ever been out to the shop in Le Claire.  I haven't, so I didn't lie.  He told me I should come out sometime.  Maybe I'll have to do that.  Maybe this weekend even.  Anyone want to join me?  Anyway, that was my fun exciting lunch-time brush with fame today.  :)

A Full and Broken Heart

I don't know why I do this to myself.  I know I should listen to my head instead of to my heart.  At least in this circumstance.  But I can't help it.  What is wrong with me?  Maybe I'm just hormonal.  Maybe I'm just crazy.  Maybe I'm both.  But, let me tell you...being a working full-time mother just plain stinks.  I always knew it would.  But in different ways.  And I guess I never fully fathomed what the consequences of working full-time would be.  During the work days I miss my Brody like crazy.  There's truly not 10 minutes that go by that I don't think of him.  Plus there are pictures of him up in every line-of-sight in my cubicle, including my screen saver.  And, there's nothing quite like my drive home from work.  My every thought is of Brody.  I count down the minutes...seconds, and curse all the traffic in my path, and practically run red lights, until I can get out of my car and walk up to Pam's door to see that sweet sweet face.  Here's the part of the story that turns my heart-full-of-love, to a broken heart-full-of-love.

...Brody doesn't smile when he sees me...

Almost every single day I walk up to Pam's house, push the doorbell in anticipation.  Just itching to see those big brown eyes, that snotty nose, his drooly shirt, those chubby legs, and those pinchable cheeks.  To then ultimately feeling crushed.  Defeated.  Sad.  Embarrassed.  Lonely.  Hurt.

It's been going on for a few weeks now.  And at first, I silently took the beating, but quickly told myself not to let it get me down.  And by the time I would leave her house...Brody's carrier in the crook of my arm...I was fine.  But each day it got a little worse.  Each day after walking in and smiling at him and saying HELLO MY SWEET BOY, and scooping him into my arms, expecting to see even a glimpse of a smile...I got nothing.  Maybe some of you might read this and say, what's the big deal?  But my Brody is a smile-er.  He has a permagrin on his face.  And he'll smile at anyone and everyone.  Heck he even smiles at the ceiling fan!  So, in those first few days, I would tell myself it was nothing. That there was just too much going on to distract him.  I would make up excuses to make myself feel better.  But then it would happen.  You could probably almost hear this mother's heart come splashing to the ground....

He'd smile at Pam instead.

And at her sons...Michael, Kyle, Karter.
Her husband, Scott.
The other little kids in the entryway.
The other mom's picking up their children.

Everyone.

Everyone, but me.

So, this is me.  Me feeling sorry for me.  Because my son doesn't smile at me when I pick him up from daycare.  Pathetic, I know.  Especially since in my head I know it doesn't mean anything.  But my mushy, overly emotional, too sensitive heart convinces me that it is me.  That maybe Brody doesn't love me.  Or maybe he doesn't really know how much I love him.  Maybe I don't show it enough.  Maybe I'm too smothering.  Maybe he doesn't like me.  Maybe he's disappointed to see me.  Maybe he doesn't want to go home.  Maybe I'm not doing a good job at being his mother.  Maybe I should have tried harder to continue breast-feeding.  Maybe he is tired of me.  Maybe...maybe...maybe...  The paranoia doesn't seem to end.

I talked to Jeff about it last night.  And as much as I really thought that conversation was going to be over in 2 seconds...over after he told me I was being a crazy nutball....it wasn't.  He understood how much it hurts me.  And he reminded me of all the things that my own head tells me every day.  That Brody DOES love me.  And as soon as we get home he smiles and smiles and smiles at me all night long.  And there's just a lot going on at Pam's house when we pick him up.  He even put it in perspective and said..."Imagine you were hanging out with your mom, and Rachel and Mary (and Randi, and Krista, and Kim, and Katie, and all my other girlies), and I came to the door and picked you up and told you it was time to leave.  You probably wouldn't be too happy to see me either.  And it's not that you don't love me, or don't like me, or don't want to go be with me.  It's just a matter of saying goodbye, getting home, and then being fine".  He's so sweet.  He is so supportive.  I'm so glad I have him in my life.

So...as much as it kills me a little inside each time this happens...I'm going to try not to let it bother me so much.  No more tears on the drive home.  No more feeling disappointed.  No more feeling like a failure as a mother. Because I know...

I know that I am a good mom.

And I'm doing the very best that I can.

And Brody loves me.

Jeff loves me.

I am blessed with so much.

And I know that just because I don't always get a smile right away...
I know that there will be plenty waiting for me when we get home.

Oh oh, it's a No-Sew Throw-Pillow!

Remember this little gem from a previous post?  Well...I can't sew.  I don't even own a sewing machine.  But I wish I could...so I fake it.  With my trusty Heat N' Bond iron-on sewing strips.  I love them.  It's easy to do, has a super strong bond, and is even machine washable!  I made the crib skirt for Brody's crib last summer and a couple odd things here and there.  But, a couple of weeks ago I took a stab at creating a slip-cover for some cheap Ikea throw-pillow inserts.  I love this project because anyone can do this.  I highly reccomend it, actually.  What a fun, easy, and best of all cheap way to add a fresh pop of color to your bed, couch, lounge chair, whatever!  Here's the step-by-step...

All you'll need is about a yard of fabric of your choice, scissors, a measuring tape, iron and ironing board, and some iron-on hem tape.  I use Heat N' Bond, Ultra Hold.  Works great.

Measure the size of your throw-pillow (mine was 20" x 20").

Next, measure and cut your fabric.  Basically, you'll need two square pieces.  One piece will be about 2" bigger than your pillow.  And your other piece should be three inches bigger than your pillow.  My pictures below don't show it because when I first did this, I cut it too big at 24".  So, pretend my measuring tape says 23" and not 24", mmkay? 

Basically, I cut one 22" x 22" square and one 23" x 23" square piece. 

Next, cut the larger square piece straight up in half. 

Since my piece was 23" I measured half of that (11.5") and cut.

Next, lay out the hemming tape along the cut sides of the fabric you just cut.  

Iron it onto the fabric.  It should be right along the edge.

Peel off the paper backing after it has cooled (not all hem tape has this step).

Next, fold over the fabric

And iron again.  This creates a nice clean "sewn" edge.

See!  Repeat for the second cut piece.

Next, lay the two seams on top of each other so they overlap.  You want the printed side of the fabric facing up for this step.

Now lay your second piece of fabric (the one you didn't cut in half) on top.  The printed side should be facing down in this case.  Basically your pillowcase is inside out right now.

Now you just need to have your dog come in and approve your handiwork.  ;)  

For real though, peel back the top layer a bit.  Lay out another strip of hem tape along the bottom piece of fabric.  Like so...

And repeat for all four sides.  

Iron all the tape into place.  Then peel back the paper backing.

Layer your top piece back on.  My pieces aren't perfect, as you can see in the below picture.  I probably never passed the class in preschool that they taught you how to use scissors!  But, it's ok because this un-evenness wont show anyway.  

Now, iron together all four sides. 

Once all the edges are cooled to the touch, flip over the fabric so the opening is exposed.  Turn the pillow-case inside out...or outside in...or, right side out...whatever you want to call it.  You know what I mean. 

You're ready to insert your pillow!

Voila!

Aint she perrty?

Ta da!!

What other projects have you made using iron-on hem tape?  It's it lovely for the non-sewer!?!

Lazy Sunday's

Don't you just LOVE lazy Sunday's?  I live for them.  They are the best.  Especially when you can spend a lazy Sunday at your parents house with your loved ones.  Just missing Chuck and Randi.  :( The rest of the fam hung out at my parent's house last weekend and enjoyed a wonderful, super sunny, super warm, April day together.  Here are some fun photos to share.

Love my lil' man

Spring flowers on the bushes outside my parents house.

Rae making a yummy appetizer

Spinach, tomato, and goat cheese pizza!

Grandpa Vern on the computer

Pretty Grandma Vera

Gussy 

Casey loves lazy Sunday's too!

Owen and his daddy

Ooops...Owen lost his pants!

Cool Dude.

Putting Mickey and Lion in the cooler is SO fun!

Grandma and Brobo

I have an obsession with my sons feet.  Well, any baby feet actually.  Is anything cuter?  I think not.

Grandma and her boys

Love this photo of O and Grandma.  Brody looks frightened though, haha.

Raspberries from Daddy.

Brody scrunches up his nose when he laughs.  It's the cutest.

Hope everyone is having their own great lazy Sunday!  :)